last days of my college
i am in my final year of MBA!!!!!!!!! will have to leave this institute in next one month.......... i joined the course two years back........... now after two years all i will take back along with me(definite and certain) is a job from here.......... actually that why i have joined the course for.......... so logically i should be happy coz i have got what i wanted and my two years seems to be successful........... but still with the passing days i am feeling more depressed..... why??????? thats what i was pondering on in last few days...... well before this i have done B.E (mechanical)........... that was a four year course......... so it seems that now i am spending my last days as a student......... so coming back to the question that why i am feeling so sad, i guess i should write on that topic rather than deviating from the topic..........
a new life is going to start for me with all new people.......... the equations of interactions will also change.......... in student there is no particular mannner in which we are supposed to interact but in professional life i have to constantly keep that in mind.......... and on the top of that i dont where the hell they are going to post me............ i mean what location........ everything i so uncertain and ambiguous........... and thats what i am afraid of........... uncertainty and ambiguity......... personally i hate anything that is not certain........... i like my life to be predictable...... and i think thats what everybody likes............. predictable life so that therew ould be least number of botherations......... a peaceful and clam life.......... but that will lead to a steadiness and thats not what i want............ actually i want to know the outcome of the change beforehand.......... i dont want to face it as it comes and decide then and there........... i am infact very poor in decision making............ i do many things on sheer impulse.......... that makes my life more uncertain........... but u know when one cannot take decisions they act on impulse.......... so coming back to the outcome of the change, i know it sounds so unnatural and unviable...... i mean how can u know the outcome before letting it happen...... but thats i wish or so that i end up only in profit........... isnt that what everybody secretly wish for????????? to know everything in prior to its happening........ to eliminate any kind of messy and confusing situation........ isnt that the root cause of apprehension that we have before taking any job of whose result we are not sure of???? like exams?????? hahaha!!!!!!!!!
after a few days i will again find myself amidst strangers, in difficult positions all of which i dont know beforehand.......... everything will be so uncertain.......... thats why i am feeling so depressed........... i will again have to deal with change of whose outcome i am not sure of........... the predictability that i have now will be lost again........... does that mean that change is bad?????? should i avoid change???????? what if it leads to my betterment in the end?????? haow do i decide where it will actually lead me to??????? i think now that i know why i am feeling so lost and sad, its high time i start thinking on the above questions........... if anybody reading my blog have any answer feel free to comment.............
3 comments:
Hi Esha,
I am here after seeing you in Orkut. Your testimonials there; they sort of sum you up so well. I especially liked the one by Renjith.
You blog. Its cool.....
Regarding the food thing. I have read some research somewhere where they have found that coconut oil which mallus use a lot is very beneficial to thir health(ofcourse anything too much is also bad), whereas the same oil is not good for someone not from Kerala. There is both genes and the environment at work here. So a Mallu eatiing coconut oil cooked food in Kashmir is not the same as a Kashmiri eating coconut oil cooked food in Kerala.... In general what I have understood from experience is that when you eat some healthy living food, say a banana, I can almost hear my stomach say a 'thank you'. Whereas when I eat some Chicken, it protests badly and even makes audible sounds............
Leaving college. Its the mind playing its usual game. It somehow loves itself so much that it wants us to keep it engaged permanently. So keeps bringing up things to satisfy itself. And we poor souls fall into its trap trying to solve problems that actually are not there at all........
I enjoyed your blog very much.
Please keep writing.
And all the best for your future.
Warm Regards.
Vivek :)..........
Let me start with an assumption that "Change is BAD."
World would be a better place if everything is in order...correct? Meaning...everything and everyone doing right/good deeds.
As "Change is BAD", everyone resisting "change" would be a right thing to do (only then the deed will be right and hence world be a better place to live).
But NO CHANGES (remember CHANGE IS BAD) means no inventions / discoveries....which actually improves the quality of life.
Hence the contradiction.
Good news is that you understand your weakness - Uncertainty Phobia. Reason could be lack of confidence.
All the best ..!
Thoughts that each one of us have been troubled with at some point in time.. at some juncture.. perhaps at the threshold of some big change or even when we anticipated teh furute but knew (rather knew not), what it held . :)
Wonderfully n simply put !!!
PS: Now you know why some friend of ours checked horo. like crazy! ;)
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